ONCE AGAIN, thank you very much.

Okay so I have a REALLY hard understanding this thing I have been going through like my WHOLE life.

I've noticed I have had a pattern of disappointment in my life. Especially when it comes to the dating area. I know blah blah blah same old thing right? But I must vent. The same thing ALWAYS happens..

Girl meets boy, girl becomes friend with boy, girl eventually falls for boy, by this time boy feels girl is a best friend, boy tells girl all his troubles with another girl, girl tucks away the pain and puts a smile on.

Seriously. honestly never fails. I don't get why I get myself in these situations. Maybe I'm just the only girl who believes that a relationship should come from a friendship and not by the normal "hey im attracted to your looks, and we get along so far, so HEY lets date". its retarded.

Is that it? Or is it that I'm just the type of girl that will always be that guys friend. I seriously can't tell you the amount of times I've had to listen to the guy i have had feelings for tell me about their crush or the type of girls they are searching for. Can't you see in my eyes that it is killing me inside, yet i sit there and give advice against my own happiness.

It's making me cold. As if I don't even want to have friends anymore I know it's lame but a person can take only so many disappointments.

What do you think, am i just the best friend kind of girl?

Got lost.

So lately, with the world continuing to be a craze of a mess, I have decided to take up reading again. Which, may sound silly, but I have never really been much of a reader. (I'm a movie person)

BUT, as quick as the craving to leap into the crisp light paiges of a book came upon me, was the speed of how fast I found myself falling inlove with the art of writing. Not necessarily saying ME writing, because it goes with out saying, it's not my forte.

I've just found a world of peace with reading a good book. I found the phrase "getting lost" in a book to become something extremely true. I sit down open to the paige I left off and read from the moment I get the chance until something comes in and interupts my world of imagination created by the words of another. Thats something I've found the world likes to do.

I've found a new love and I can't get away. One book to the next. I know it may be me hiding from my own reality. But, my goodness how brilliant is the fact that just walking into a library or book store or even a small personal library holds SO many stories, SO many lifes, heartbreaks, adventures, tragities, and even advice.

Something about it just fascinates me and saddens me to see its a dying art, and people and generations are loosing touch with it. Please internet generation, take a day off, go get a good book, sit down at a park, in the quietness of your own house, the beach or where ever you may find your own private get away and escape into a book. Feel each of the characters, and you will suprised by the intamicy a book can hold to you.

at the crossroads

and i dont know which way to go.
So many things I want to do. Yet I feel so alone with no help. I need your hand to lead me. Guide me to whats best for me.

Remove my selfish heart.

I love you.

In reply to your last post...

She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile  She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her  But you are everything to me   And I just wanna show you she don’t even know you  She’s never gonna love you like I want to  And you just see right through me  But if you only knew me  We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable  Instead of just invisible    There’s a fire inside of you that can’t help but shine through  She’s never gonna see the light  No matter what you do  And all I think about is how to make you think of me  And everything that we could be   Like shadows in a faded light  Oh, were invisible  I just wanna look in your eyes  And make you realize