Linger

I close my eyes, I see your face.

Your blue eyes haunt me to this day.

I moved on, I found someone new.

Why can't I just let go of you.

It is crazy, but you were so good for me.

Even though it was something you couldn't see.

I didn't need you to, you helped me unknowingly.

which may have made you that much more great.

I sometimes wonder what could have been.

If I wasn't only your good friend.

But even that is gone now, we're strangers.

And it kills me to know, I can't turn to you.

Did you know my feelings? Did you know I loved you?

I have so many questions I would love to ask.

I was too afraid to ruin our friendship and now its just too late.

Man, one day I hope you and I are fate.

the beauty of silence.

To sit in silence is to sit in comfort with the person you are.

There is a beauty in the midst of solitude. When nothing needs to be said, and things are just known.

Finding oneself noticing things that had not been noticed before.

Letting light shine on the life you lead.

illuminating each breath you take, like a brisk breeze on a winter day.

Hearing each rise and fall of your own chest.

In the silence one can hear the cries of mysteries all around.

No messy world, only the simplicity of life.

To seek beauty is to seek peace.

Peace is solitude.

Solitude is nature.

On account of how crappy and emo my blogs have been lately...

I leave you with this. One more for the road.

Simplicity is the main ingredient.

Eelsha has a simple life, void of any true connections with other humans.

She tries, boy does she, to find a friend to make her feel unique again.

Eelsha doesn't trust, she lacks the personality for it.

Her sarcasm gets in the way of happiness, and all that comes with it.

Mirror Game.

Jude stands in the middle of a room watching Elle.
Elle pays no attention what-so-ever.
Jude tries, this time harder, to show Elle his dreams.
Elle is to disracted by her own dreams to truely look into Jude's.
Elle does enjoy the friendship and chase she gives Jude.
Jude is hurt. Once, twice, could it be even a third time?
Still Jude tries on, blinded by the games Elle loves to play.
Elle is inncocent of friendship to Jude.
Yet he hurts.

Anna stands and watches as Jude looses hope in love.
Her heart hurts for him, as she cares deeply for him.
More deeply then he cares to notice.
Anna tries to be there for Jude, but the more she tries, the more he closes up.
Anna doesn't understand.
Is it superficiality blinding Jude's eyes.
Anna tries to shake that thought about him immediatly, Jude is by no means shallow.
Unfortunatly, Anna knows her flaws, she does talk to much at times.
She cares so much it hurts.

So why is it that Jude cares for Elle, and Anna cares for Jude, but Jude doesn't notice Anna, and Elle doesn't care for Jude in the way he wants.

Jude doesn't see that Anna will always help him when he needs, even if it hurts her more then he would care to believe.

growing old.

Growing old is something most look at and want to run away from as soon as possible. I view it as an art, a thing of beauty. People don't appreciate what it takes to grow old. How lucky we are to have the ability to grow old. In a society where life is all about how much money and how successful you can be, am i naive in thinking life is about the years you spend holding on to those who you care the most about.

I don't want to live my life worrying about how time is flying by. I like holding on to every moment. Life doesn't have to be made of the moments you are most active. The sweetest moments are the ones where you truly feel comfortable sitting in silence with the ones you care about.

I've grown to realize that when you truly care for someone, there is no need to talk every moment. Being yourself isn't having to prove every action you take to be accepted, but to not have to say anything. It is being in a room with someone and not having to do anything. Sometimes it just feels good to hang out with someone and do whatever it is you would be doing on your own. Just being in the presence of the one you love shows you life is best at moments like these.

I dare you to find that person you go through this with. Maybe it's the person you never would have guessed. Stop holding on to past relationships and the could have beens and move on to what you have now. Right beside you. The people who you can be comfortable with forever.

would love

to feel happiness again. Everything I do results in this overwhelming ache. A clear something is missing. I miss you, I miss the city. I miss my life, and friends, and i miss bliss. I miss excitement.

most of all i miss you. You had a way with words. You viewed words as an art. It made you beautiful in my eyes. Your flaws are cute. They lit up my day. I felt so comfortable with you.

But not comfortable enough. I could never tell you how I felt. Fearing, I already knew the answer.

Unfortunately, you are too good for me. And I say this with the UTmost sincereness. Even though it works out perfectly in my head. I know you deserve much better.

I just don't know with you. i feel i love you, but you are okay with or with out me in your life. You have this side to you, the written side, it's beautiful. sometimes i get caught up thinking something you wrote fits me so well, but I'm silly. You don't even notice me.

I'm just a girl standing infront of a boy asking him to love her.

But only if he wants.

which hurts

so don't mention it or acknowledge it.

forever.

tomorrow,

I bored a first class flight with one, one hour stop in detroit.
Then to Virginia where I will be living the easy life on the beach.
Am I excited, not at this moment where i have a room full of crap,
Loads of CRAP left to do.
SWEET sleeping nephews and nieces and sister and momsies who i wont get to see again for a year.
AND to top it off the ONE person i REALLY hoped to get one more chance to hangout with tonight, some reason fell through. UGH
Thank you for that.
BUT as that is... it's time to move on and start a new life on the beach.

Keep it real rad kids. I will keep you posted.